-Neale Donald Walsch
We were verbally high-fiving and feeling good. We could have moved on and entered the next phase of our session, however, there was an opportunity for growth. As a Coach, these moments can sometimes be uncomfortable. I mean, why ruin a good thing, right? And yet, that's the role I am trusted with: To support AND push back, when it advances the client's agenda.
I took a deep breath and, after once again affirming his success, asked, "May I offer a reframe?"
With his permission, I shared that I was curious about some of the language he had used: even, rule, yet.
"I have not even broken my rule yet."
A beautiful conversation ensued, in which he discovered that he was setting himself up for failure. These words pointed to certain underlying beliefs that were not in support of his vision.
He realized that the way he was using the word even implied that he was surprised that he had continued as long as he had.
Using the word rule, made his fasting an all or nothing discipline that carried a sense of morality (i.e. If I follow the rule then I'm good. If I break the rule then I'm bad).
Yet implied that he was awaiting his eventual failure.
A big aha moment came when he recognized patterns like this in the past where he would show intense discipline and consistency, then with one hiccup decide it was all for nothing. resulting in a backslide into old patterns and behaviors, believing the new one didn't work.
After more discussion and reflection, he came up with the following reframe: "Ever since the beginning of the year, I eat after noon." Simple. To the point. An affirmation of who he is now. He is the person who does this thing. Not the person who is doing this thing until he fails at doing the thing. Now, if he eats before noon, he will be the person who eats after noon who ate earlier one day. It takes away the pressure of perfection and also allows him to lean more confidently into how he sees himself today and as the person he is becoming more of.
Today, pay close attention to the language you are using. Does it point to unshakeable belief in yourself?
If you could use a reframe, let's connect.
-> Find past Insights From My Inbox HERE.